Transsiberian (2008) - ★★★★☆

If you're not familiar with Andrew Lloyd Webber's seminal classic, Starlight Express, it's likely we've never met, for hardly a conversation goes by in which I do not find the opportunity to bring it up. Under the unlikely circumstances that you are not familiar with the piece, I'll offer a brief description, and then, assuming that your interest has been suitable peaked, leave you to do further research on your own. 

Starlight Express is a 1984 masterpiece from the mind of the one and only Andrew Lloyd Webber, creator of such hits as Cats, Jesus Christ Superstar, The Phantom of the Opera, and The Phantom of the Opera's sequel, Love Never Dies, which, naturally, takes place at Coney Island. Starlight Express is the first musical which was ever performed fully on rollerblades. Why does every single actor in the show wear rollerblades, you ask? The answer, really, is quite simple—they're all trains! While Starlight Express wasn't a major hit in the U.S., it did take hold across the pond, and the show has been performing at a specially built theater in Bochum, Germany since 1988. That's thirty-two years! In that time, the show has been seen by over 17,000,000 people. It's no surprise so many people have fallen in love with the musical—Webber's trains struggle with relatable problems like romance, rust, and the threat of being replaced with shiny electric models. 

I trust your interest has been suitably peaked—if not, please take a look at this photo of what the actors' costumes look like. 

Yes, that's right. There are sexy lady trains.

From here, your best bet is to head over to the Starlight Express wikipedia page, which has more fun tidbits for you to discover than I could possibly include here. Or, head to your music streaming service of choice, and take a listen to the soundtrack. Better yet, give a listen to this supremely bizarre podcast, in which host Peter Liciaga, Starlight Express alum, interviews his Starlight Express colleagues. If memory serves, one guest tells Peter that Starlight Express inspired his transformation into a religious man (did I mention that the trains have a God?). Once you're satisfied with your research, please continue on with this post!

All of this important information is relevant because I think it's vital that you know that Transsiberian, the movie which we're here to discuss, has a scene in which train cars are detached that reminds me of my personal favorite song from Starlight Express. Take a listen!

Don't worry—the movie has value besides that! It also includes a bespectacled Woody Harrelson!

Yes, bespectacled! 

In all seriousness, Transsiberian was a much appreciated alteration in course from my recent Woody fare. It's not very often we see Woody as a train-loving Iowan on a mission trip to China. His character is affable, oblivious, and reminds me of someone who would be a great high school history teacher who also is the conductor of the town band which plays on a float in the Fourth of July parade which was a much appreciated break. It's nice to see Woody cast outside of the roles I've seen him in so far—even with his accent and bald head, he really is capable of much more than portraying an officer of the law. For example, I'd love to see him in Starlight Express! Even though the obvious choice for him would be Rusty, I think he could also make a quite persuasive Electra. Let me know in the comments which classic Lloyd Webber role you'd like to see Woody perform!