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Free Birds (2015) - ★★☆☆☆

It pains me to have to say this, because I was really looking forward to this one—I mean, how often do we get an animated movie about Pilgrims—but unfortunately it was not very good. I found the depiction of William Bradford to be both disturbing and disrespectful, and I think the Pilgrims in general could have been a lot cuter. In first grade, for example, we got to make little salt and pepper shakers decorated like Pilgrims for Thanksgiving, and I still have both of them, and they're still incredibly cute. We also got to make mini loaves of pumpkin bread, which I would describe as a pivotal experience. We also (of course) made turkeys by painting out hands and then stamping our hands on paper. The turkeys in this movie were not anywhere near as cute as the hand turkeys we made in first grade.

That's not to say it wasn't a fun role for Woody—as they say in The Business, every great actor needs to play a turkey at least once in his career. It had to be done, I just wish it could have been done a little better.

The last thing I'd like to say is that I think it's very fucked up that we live in a world where turkey versions of Owen Wilson and Amy Poehler have to have a romance. I think that's just awful to the highest degree. 

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