Skip to main content

Wag the Dog (1997) - ★★★★★


Sometimes, it feels like the universe is giving me a sign that I am right about every single thing I have ever thought, and everyone else is wrong. Like, when I discovered that Al Pacino was but 5'7" tall. This fact—simple, charming, enlivening—got me thinking about something important. Why are all movie stars these days tall? 

Hugh Jackman, Jake Gyllenhaal, Ben Affleck, Idris Elba, and countless others—all absurdly tall men, all movie stars. And yet, there's something sickeningly modern about each of these men, about their action movie careers, and yes—about their height. 

Tallness is one of the great modern scourges. No one, attending the movie theater, wishes to see a very tall man with long rangy limbs and sunken tallman cheekbones punching and flipping and shooting guns. Rather, I want to see a petite compact movie star. Short actors fit on the screen better. Their clothes fit better. And they're just nicer to look at overall. You can't deny me this!

So, a couple weeks ago when I discovered that Dustin Hoffman is a different person that Philip Seymour Hoffman was, suffice it to say I was beyond delighted to discover that this tiny little man was but 5'6". This discovery sent me on a bit of a Dustin Hoffman binge, which led me to discover that Tom Cruise—perhaps THE movie star of ALL time—is a compact 5'7" inches!!! 

Anyway, imagine my delight when I found Woody (unfortunately slightly tall, though we won't hold that against him) shared a movie with little Dustin Hoffman! An absolute thrill.

This is a great movie. I think it's about what they call the "deep state." Who else thinks the real deep state is the conspiracy to remove short movie stars from our movies?????????


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999) - ★☆☆☆☆

People are always asking me, "Fiona, why, on your quest to watch every Woody Harrelson movie, are you including movies that you absolutely know you will hate, and that Woody is only in for two seconds, appearing as himself, in the last minute of the movie? Wouldn't it be easier to simply find clips of Woody's performances in these movies rather than subjecting yourself to the grueling two hours it would take to watch the whole thing?" I'd like to answer their questions with a few of my own: How will I truly understand Woody's performance in such movies if I don't watch the whole thing? Would a true fan of Woody Harrelson not subject themselves to the greatest pain to support him? How could I claim to be the world's foremost Woody Harrelson expert if I did not watch the entirety of every movie that he appears in? The answers to these questions are, respectively, "I couldn't!" "They would!" and "I couldn't!" So here ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Transsiberian (2008) - ★★★★☆

If you're not familiar with Andrew Lloyd Webber's seminal classic, Starlight Express,  it's likely we've never met, for hardly a conversation goes by in which I do not find the opportunity to bring it up. Under the unlikely circumstances that you are not familiar with the piece, I'll offer a brief description, and then, assuming that your interest has been suitable peaked, leave you to do further research on your own.  Starlight Express is a 1984 masterpiece from the mind of the one and only Andrew Lloyd Webber, creator of such hits as Cats , Jesus Christ Superstar , The Phantom of the Opera , and  The Phantom of the Opera' s sequel, Love Never Dies , which, naturally, takes place at Coney Island. Starlight Express  is the first musical which was ever performed fully on rollerblades. Why does every single actor in the show wear rollerblades, you ask? The answer, really, is quite simple—they're all trains! While Starlight Express wasn't a major hit in the...
Post a Comment
Read more

Now You See Me (2013) - ★★★★☆

In third grade, I got invited to the birthday party of one of my classmates which inexplicably was held in the teachers' room at our elementary school. This birthday party was, and continues to be, my only experience with a live magician. I remember being pretty impressed! I (still) think it's pretty cool that magic literally does exist and that you can pay a man in a funny suit to perform it at your eighth birthday party. As far as non-live magic is concerned, I'm not sure if this counts, but I do have chronic heebie-jeebies from a certain knife eating (swallowing? I'm not sure what the term is) performance on America's Got Talent. I do not think that is a good kind of magic, if it's even considered magic at all. I'm also familiar with a certain famous card game which is concerned with magic. Not sure how this works. The magic in Now You See Me , is, of course, closest to the magic I witnessed at that third grade birthday party, which is to say it's pre...
Post a Comment
Read more