Woody Harrelson Film Festival

I just think it would have been smarter to make this movie before all the original star war movies so they would actually been able to have a young harrison ford play the role of "Han Solo." Then I wouldn't have to watch it because Woody wouldn't have been in it.

Maybe boxing shorts are the answer to all my summertime clothing woes! If only I could find these awesome metallic gold ones with crosses on them. I really liked this movie for the first two thirds, when it was a fun road trip movie about a couple of friends. But then it became about boxing and I didn't understand what was going on and I got so bored I wanted to cry.

Michael J. Fox! Again! One of the best Hallmark Christmas movies (and believe me, I'd know) is called Christmas Under Wraps . I've seen this movie maybe twelve times, and I want you to know that I have never been able to figure out why it's called that. But that's now what matters wright now. What matters, is that for me, Christmas Under Wraps  is the prototype of one of the best tropes in all of TV and movies. In the movie, Candace Cameron Bure (of The View  fame) is a newly minted doctor looking for work. Instead of getting the prestigious position she always dreamed of getting in Boston, the only job offered to Candace is in a remote Alaskan town. Against her better judgement, she decides to take the job. If you're familiar with the Hallmark genre, you know where this is going: her big city attitude gets adjusted, she meets a handsome local fellow with a beat up pick-up truck, befriends an old man with a white beard and a reindeer farm, and generally becomes enra...

Talk about short movie stars!!! Michael J. Fox is only 5'4"!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He did a great job with being that height. Notably, as the shortest man in this movie, he also happens to be the moral center—the only one, among a sea of tall men, who does the right thing. It makes you think.... Something else that makes you think is the question, "Is Woody Harrelson in this movie?" Sources disagree. Wikipedia and IMDB say no. Fandango and Vudu (not sure what this is) say yes, but offer no explanations.  I wasn't really willing to take any risks, though, so I watched it anyway.  I really don't think Woody is in this movie. If he was, he was an extra in the background of a scene. But by 1989, Woody was already several years into his successful career, so it wouldn't make sense for him to be a mere extra in a big movie like this.  So, at the risk of being wrong, and at the risk of losing my claim as the world's foremost Woody Harrelson scholar, I'm making th...

Sometimes, it feels like the universe is giving me a sign that I am right about every single thing I have ever thought, and everyone else is wrong. Like, when I discovered that Al Pacino was but 5'7" tall. This fact—simple, charming, enlivening—got me thinking about something important. Why are all movie stars these days tall?  Hugh Jackman, Jake Gyllenhaal, Ben Affleck, Idris Elba, and countless others—all absurdly tall men, all movie stars. And yet, there's something sickeningly modern about each of these men, about their action movie careers, and yes—about their height.  Tallness is one of the great modern scourges. No one, attending the movie theater, wishes to see a very tall man with long rangy limbs and sunken tallman cheekbones punching and flipping and shooting guns. Rather, I want to see a petite compact movie star. Short actors fit on the screen better. Their clothes fit better. And they're just nicer to look at overall. You can't deny me this! So, a cou...

Much as Rain Man  is a film primarily about Tom Cruise's high waisted pants, Wildcats is a movie primarily about Goldie Hawn's incredible haircut. It's a haircut that makes it hard to notice anything else in the film. Even when Goldie isn't on screen, you're still just sitting there, thinking about that haircut. Which is probably fortunate, considering other haircuts in the movie (more specifically—though it pains me to say it—Woody's early onset of male pattern baldness which isn't necessarily convincing when he's playing a high school student) aren't particularly remarkable.  Like other great gym class movies ( Miracle , Cool Runnings , and so forth), Wildcats is a movie about the underdog sports team and their inspiring coach. We never watched this one in gym class, though, which I'm choosing to believe is due to societal prejudice against Woody Harrelson, and not because of its R rating. People love to say they love Woody Harrelson, but they ...

The date is June 3rd (at least, that was the date when I watched this movie). There are fifty days until July 23rd, which is Woody Harrelson's birthday and the date I have chosen for this prestigious film festival to come to an end. I'm no mathematician, but I've done the calculations, and I believe that means I have to watch approximately one movie every two days until July 23rd in order to reach this goal. So, that's what I'm doing. Like the great Gregg Turkington did in his quest to watch #500moviesin500days, I'm even going to take it at a faster pace than that to start, so if something comes up I'll be ahead and able to finish nonetheless. I'm not saying it will be easy—but we don't do things because they are easy. We do them because they are hard. And finding a way to watch Free Jimmy , a 2008 English dub of the 2006 Norwegian CGI-animated stoner circus comedy certainly will be hard. But that's a problem for another day. Today's problem ...