Woody Harrelson Film Festival

For a movie which is exclusively about terrible, evil, horrible, awful people, this is pretty good. Frankly, I'm extremely surprised that I have never been obsessed with Sarah Palin, since she's just the kind of tragically evil figure I can really get behind. Unfortunately, this movie was not capable of igniting that passion within me, mostly because I watched it at a time when most of my spare brain power is taken up by watching videos of Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir figure skate. Sorry, Sarah! I can't even muster up enough interest to watch your recent performance on the best (worst) television show ever made, The Masked Singer . I thought about it, but as soon as I opened up the youtube app, I clicked on  this video instead. Whoops!! I would say the other thing that makes this movie really worth viewing in late September of the year 2020 is that it provides an incredibly potent reminder of just how much Joe Biden's brain has melted in the past 12 years. Not great, fo...

I've made a lot of sacrifices for Woody along this journey. I watched all of Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me  for a 3 second Woody cameo. I watched Anger Management , Friends With Benefits , and five movies with Jessie Eisenberg in them—and worse, one with Will Farrell! I began this adventure by watching Kingpin , a movie with the most disrespectful depiction of the Amish community I can imagine (and I would know).  I've made sacrifices, yes. But not without reward! This project has taught me way more than I ever thought it could when I set out upon this journey. Not only have I gotten to know Woody, but I've gotten to know myself, and more importantly, I feel like I've gotten to know the entire demographic of people who have ever enjoyed a Woody Harrelson movie (which has to be, like, basically everyone alive. 79 movies is kind of a lot!!). I'm serious—I haven't enjoyed all of these movies, but even those, I can imagine someone somewhere enjoying. That pe...

Today, I am reminded of a poem by Stephen Crane titled " War is Kind ." This is a pretty tricky poem to understand, because the narrator keeps repeating the phrase "war is kind" throughout the poem. But at the same time, you sort of get the feeling that war, in fact, is not kind at all. When something is so contradictory, it's easy to get lost in the weeds; one might simply assume that this Stephen Crane guy, whoever he is, does not really have a mastery of the English language. That, or maybe he wrote the poem on opposite day. I'd like to proffer another possible solution to this issue. Maybe Stephen Crane was being ironic! If you think about it, 'kind' is probably one of the last words anyone would use to describe war. Even people who think war is good probably would not call it 'kind'—killing people is not really a 'kind' activity, any more than being killed is 'nice' or 'fun.' The Thin Red Line , a movie which is n...

What's the point of this movie? Is it supposed to be a rom-com? There's romance (I guess, but not enough to qualify it as a simple romance), but it's not funny. Is it a mystery? Maybe, but the mysteries never really get solved, nor are they ever fully articulated. Is it a drama? I'm pretty sure dramas are supposed to be interesting, at the very least. I'm not saying every movie has to fit into a specific category—far from it! But they should, at least, have some sense to them, especially if they're going to be so ill-defined as this one.  Cool Blue  started out strong—a fun scene with Woody shoplifting a convenience shop (good old fashioned fun). Shortly thereafter, it's revealed that Woody's character, Dustin, is an artist (as confirmed by his paint stained jeans). This is exciting! A fresh new role for Woody to take on.  But then the movie enters a speedy downward spiral. He sees a woman at an art gallery, spends one night with her, and falls so madly ...

Whatever charm the first Zombieland movie had completely wore off for this movie. Maybe it's because the whole Jessie Eisenberg thing is getting pretty old. Maybe it's because the depiction of zombies, creatures which fall generally into the same category as vampires and werewolves, absolutely pales in comparison to the supernatural beings depicted in the Twilight  series. Maybe it's because it brings me deep, existential, sadness to see Woody partake in the kind of """"comedy"""" popularized by famous superhero movie franchises—Woody is very funny. He shouldn't have to stoop to these levels! Whatever the reason, this movie was drab and sad and all too focused on pleasing the kind of audience which most blockbuster movies from the past couple years seem to attempt to please—an audience I'm not sure exists beyond the ranks of funko pop collectors, people with Doctor Who references on their license plates, and the most powerfull...